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"James. Hi. Wow. Are you visiting? It's so nice to see you," she said softly.
She was lying. This wasn't nice. Whatever this was-wasn't nice-and it kind of sucked rancid c.o.c.k.
"Um, Jameson Holt, this is Spencer," she offered me a tight smile and then looked up at the f.u.c.knut standing next to her. Her smile brightened and softened at the edges, making me want to break him. "Spence, this is James."
"Hey. Wow. Jameson Holt-from Holt Media? Great to meet you," he said, extending his hand out for a handshake. I didn't reach out my hand; there was no way I could touch him without squeezing his hand and breaking every bone in it.
Lexa's eyes darted between Spencer and me quickly. "Well, okay then. It was nice seeing you Holt. We're supposed to meet Mandy and Evan for dinner soon so we have to find them...So, yeah, nice seeing you."
She stood in front of me stiffly, waiting for me to say goodbye, and I couldn't even form words in my mouth. The only bodily functions I could perform at that very moment were rapid blinking and shaking of the head.
Was that her date? Her boyfriend? Someone she was sleeping with? She couldn't be sleeping with him, right? A sharp burning sensation slashed deep inside my chest and zigzagged across my stomach. Visions of his tongue thrusting into her mouth and her hands shoved down the front of his pants had me clenching my jaw painfully. She couldn't have f.u.c.ked him. There was no way. He looked like a cartoon character. And what kind of name was Spencer?
She couldn't have moved on.
It'd only been a month.
Black spots dotted my vision as I stood there practically snarling as I thought about him flat on his back while she rode him slowly.
I stepped back as if she'd punched me and almost lost my footing.
How could she have forgotten about us? How could she have not been as miserable as me?
This wasn't happening.
"Are you okay, Holt?" she whispered with a sad smile. She reached her hand out but yanked it right back and tucked it against her chest instead of touching me. "We...uh...we have to meet...we're just going to meet Mandy and Evan. It really was nice...to see you again," she stammered, trying to get away from me.
I couldn't let that happen.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't let her walk away again.
Not without letting her know.
"Oh, yeah? That's great news because they just invited me to join you all for dinner. This should be fun."
"I've been waiting for THIS ever since I read my first Fairy Tale." @Kavon #HappyEndings #AndTheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon What an arrogant a.s.shole. James actually had the audacity to lead the way to where Mandy and Evan were sitting, waiting for us.
"Thanks so much for the invite Evan, I think I will join you all for dinner," he said, pulling over a vacant chair and plopping his pompous a.s.s into it. I folded my arms across my chest angrily. This couldn't be happening.
Mandy choked on her drink and glared at him. "What?" she said, coughing and gasping, "Really?"
James gave her a wink. Ugh, I hoped his eyeb.a.l.l.s popped out of their sockets.
She shook her head and raised her drink back up. She nodded her chin approvingly at him. "This is going to be fun."
Spencer-who as soon as he heard was about to share a meal with the demi-G.o.d of Holt Media, acted like a complete schoolgirl in front of him. Spencer just left me standing at the table as he pulled out a seat for himself next to James and sat down, shooting hundreds of questions at him like speeding bullets.
"I read in Publisher's Spot that Holt Media just bought into Lifestyles Production Company..." Spencer said excitedly. Did no one see how uncomfortable I was? It was like I turned completely invisible.
The only other empty seat was on the other side of James, in the corner.
I huffed loudly, stomped around the table, and collapsed into the chair.
Spencer continued to fire questions at James.
James immediately slid his hand under the table and onto my knee.
I kicked him.
He gripped my knee tighter.
I dropped my hands on his and tried to twist his thumb off.
Spencer still talked.
Evan and Mandy ignored everyone else and played an intense game of tonsil hockey.
James shifted his hand up over my knee and under the hem of my skirt, digging the pads of his fingertips into my lower thighs.
Was he crazy? A burst of heat erupted along my collarbone. I slid a bit down in the chair to try to shake his hand off me, but to no avail. My mouth instantly dried and my throat felt parched. I grabbed a bottle of water that was on the table, not even asking whose it was, then opened it and gulped.
James's hand slid further up my thigh and began softly ma.s.saging my skin. I squeaked out a gasp-again, n.o.body seemed to notice.
His fingers crept up higher. They had to be feeling the heat between my legs. Any higher and that stupid, c.o.c.ky man would find out how wet he was making me. I leaned my elbows on the table and hung my head in my hands, grasping hard at the roots of my hair. The urge to spread my legs wide and feel him touch me again was unbearable. On the few dates Spencer and I had, we hadn't gotten physical yet. Honestly, I just wasn't feeling that way about him. He was far from being anything like James. I guess that was the reason I had agreed to go out to dinner with him. But right then, sitting so close to James with his hand between my thighs under the table, I found myself so totally turned on I could have gotten off right in front of everyone.
I clamped my knees together and tensed my legs, forcing them to stay shut. What was wrong with me? How could I possibly let him make me feel like this? I started sweating. Everyone around the table was involved in some sort of discussion about the publishing world and I was trying desperately not to have an o.r.g.a.s.m.
That's when the tips of his fingers reached higher and slid over the bottom of my panties. The moment his fingers felt the state of the material, his head snapped in my direction. "Lex..."
I jumped up, slamming my bag down on the table and tried to flatten my skirt down at the same time. "Excuse me," I stammered, "I have to use the restroom."
"I'll walk you," James said.
"No. You stay here," I whisper-yelled.
He leaned in close to me. The smell of his shirt made my head spin. "No chance. You'll climb out the bathroom window before you let me talk to you," he murmured.
"Stay here. Please," I hissed, walking away from him.
I shifted through the crowds of people at the bar, everyone waiting patiently for a table for dinner in the back, just like us. But even though the place was packed with people, I still felt him right behind me. The memories of us together pressed against my back like a living, breathing thing. From the weight of his body on mine to the way his hands roamed every inch of my body, had me tripping over my own feet. My face flushed from the images in my head. Shivers and sparks of heat slowly crawled up my spine as I tried to move faster through the sea of bodies.
"Lex," he whispered as I stepped out of the throng of people and into a dimly lit hallway, hesitating briefly. A lone person stood at the end talking in low murmurs into her cell phone. She rolled her eyes and faced the wall when she saw me, not once stopping her conversation. Ignoring her, I reached for the handle of the bathroom door.
"Lex. You can't hide from me in there. I'll just follow you in," his voice said behind me.
I forced myself not to look in the shadows behind me as I swung the door open and stepped inside. But his presence seemed to pulse around me, edging closer, surrounding me. If I wasn't careful, it would consume me.
"Lex, turn around," he said, tugging at my waist. But I pulled away and walked to the sink, putting my hands down flat against the cool tile of the counter.
"Get out. I need to pee and get back to my date," I said, lifting my eyes to the mirror to meet his.
He reached for the doork.n.o.b and just when I thought he was going to pull it open to leave, he turned the lock instead. A bolt of electric heat surged through my body.
"You are the biggest Alpha-hole in the world. Just leave me alone," I said a little breathlessly.
His eyebrows arched up comically. "Alpha-hole?"
"What do you want, Holt?" I asked, glaring at his reflection.
He took a step closer and slowly reached up and swept my hair over my shoulder, exposing my neck. His gaze roamed over my skin; I watched it in the mirror as it traveled over me slowly. My hands clenched into fists. Every muscle in my body tensed with hurt, with anger, but most of all, with pathetic G.o.dd.a.m.n stupid hope.
His lips parted slightly and touched down along the curve of my neck. They tenderly grazed up to right under my ear, making me shudder. "I missed you."
I clenched my fists tighter, trying desperately to remain calm and composed, but the increasing rise and fall of my chest was every indication I was not. "I'm on a date, Holt."
"Leave with me," he whispered into my ear.
"Are you stupid? Are you deaf? Blind?" I ground out. "I haven't seen you in a month. You come back for a little visit and what? You're h.o.r.n.y? You see me and bam; you think I'll just f.u.c.k you again. No, Holt." I shoved my shoulder back, trying to knock him away, but he reached around me, putting his hands on the counter on both sides of me and trapping me between his hard, muscular chest and the sink.
I hung my head down and shook it back and forth, "Just let me move on, James. What we had was so...amazing. I will always remember the way you made me feel." I tilted my face up to look at his reflection again. "But let's leave it there, as a good memory."
His eyes darkened. "Is that what you really want? Tell me what you really want, Lex."
I swallowed hard and stared at him-my heart pounded in my chest hard and fast.
"Say it," he whispered. "Just say it. Say what you want."
A wave of tears stung at my eyes but I fought them back. "I can't."
"Why?" he asked, leaning his body gently against mine. The heat of him made a small gasp escape my lips and I needed to look away for a moment to hide from the intensity of it.
He pressed harder against my back.
A wave of iciness crept up the front of my body and I was suddenly struggling to breathe. Anger exploded red-hot in my brain. My muscles quivered and my pulse sped. "You really wanna know why, you big d.i.c.k? Because I don't want to ever feel that gut wrenching feeling again when you walk away. I don't want to look in your eyes and see you staring back at me with that empty look because you don't want me." I choked on my words and my voice shook. "Just go back to California. Our three weeks is over. Find someone else to play with."
He pressed harder into me. What the h.e.l.l? Now it was starting to get uncomfortable. I was getting ready to hit him.
"Now you're going to listen to me. You don't have any clue how I feel or what's going on in my head. You never did." He took a deep breath and grabbed my chin to tilt my head up to look at him. It wasn't hard, he was gentle, but the intensity of his eyes made a sob rip out of my chest. I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. He left me. He hadn't wanted me.
"I left because I was angry. You lied to me. I wanted to talk to you...and I called. I called again and again, and I texted. I needed to go to California for my father. And when I got there I thought I would just let you go, let you go without ever telling you how I really felt." His breathing faltered and the pressure of his hands tightened around me. "But... I woke up the first morning without you and I couldn't breathe. The thought of you not being there, me not able to reach out and touch you-hurt."
Good. I was glad it hurt. "You've been gone for a month. I'm sure you got over it," I snapped.
"No. See, Lex, that's the thing. I thought I could, you know. I thought it would be like every other relationship I had...forgettable. But the next morning when I woke up I grabbed for you, and when I realized the bed was still empty, it hurt even more."
I pressed my hand to my chest to try to stop it from cracking open.
"I told you I never felt it before with anyone. I never knew if I could. Love? I didn't know what it was, Lex." Then suddenly his arms dropped and he stepped back. The places where his hands were still felt a ghost of his touch and made me swallow hard.
"Love was just a confusing, empty word to me," he shrugged, "until you made it mean something."
I covered my hands over my mouth as my skin tingled from head to toe.
"I didn't even have a choice about falling in love with you. You walked down a hotel hallway and that was the first time I remember ever feeling anything. It was the first time I ever felt-alive inside."
"And then you found out I lied to you-" I said, spinning to face him.
"I lied to you too," his voice was low, dark. Harsh.
I looked away quickly-couldn't raise my eyes to meet his. I didn't want to get hurt. What could he have lied to me about?
He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a crumpled up piece of paper. I tried to focus on it, but it blurred around the tears that fought to break free.
"This is your list," he whispered hoa.r.s.ely, holding out the paper between us. The walls instantly felt like they were closing in on me. Closer and closer, they seemed to move. "Number ten," he whispered, "I did it. f.u.c.k, Lexa, it was the first thing I did on your list."
The ground seemed to pulse and give out under my feet and my eyes shot up to his. His eyes went wide for a second and then he looked down at his hand and the note that still lay folded inside of it. Taking a quick, deep breath, he flattened out the paper and brought it closer to me.
"You changed everything. Everything I ever thought was important, everything I ever wanted got questioned the minute I saw you in that hallway." He nodded his head at me, "Cheesy line coming-I realized the only reason I looked up from that miserable hump of snacks, the only reason I was out there in the hallway at three in the morning, was because it's where I was meant to be. I was meant to be with you. Now, tell me what you want, Lexa."
"You," I whispered. "I just want you."
The note fell to the floor, fluttered and flipped like a weightless feather, and landed right side up as he reached his hand to mine.
#1 Be Dominated and ravished-spanking included.
#2 Make a s.e.x tape.